Thoughts of the Worm

Somehow I'm being drifted away from blogging. I've no idea as to "HOW" and "WHY" and "WHEN". But this surely DOESN'T mean I've discontinued with blogging. And today, I sit at my desk wondering what to post.. all because I need to keep the passion for blogging alive. Life has undergone tremendous changes in the past few weeks and surprisingly they weren't called for. Probably this is how life works - Expect the Unexpected. Its impossible to describe all the events out here, but let me assure you, whatever has taken place is for the "Best"... and believe me, I'm really.. really happy and feel blessed :) Yes, I'm kinda scared.. uhmm.. not really scared... I'm just worried about a few things, which I believe will be sorted out eventually. It's time to stir a few things in life.. After all it's a brand new beginning. I've heard people say, "If you're destined to meet someone, you definitely would, i...

A new hope - Something to convince me To renew hope! A new day - Bright enough To help me find my way!

Touch me - take me to that other place Teach me - I know I'm not a hopeless case It's a beautiful day Don't let it get away It's a beautiful day... :)) --------------------- Happy Diwali to all my Blogger Buddies! :) Enjoy a cracker-less Diwali!!

There are times in life, when you just feel the urge to quit. Quit things that you've been trying for a long time. Quit things that you once adored. Quit the pleasures and the pains... Its wonderful to think about 'quitting', but for while. Reality bites a very very severe bite. Maybe I dont know what exactly I wish to write today. Perhaps I'm confused. Perhaps I'm not. Long back I'd a discrete plan of where I wished to be. How many of us can genuinely say they have achieved what they always dreamt of, without being manipulative. Back in my teens, I wished to be a child specialist, I wished to have a pet, I wished to have a boyfriend, I wished to succeed in everything (yea..King Midas touch). Neither of these happened. I look back now and I don't really regret missing out on any of these. Today, I wish want to achieve to my goals. I don't want to keep options. Neither do I want to be an option. I may sound aggressive, but that is how it is suppose to...

I remember the first time I saw you A little pea sized and cheeks as pink as plums I carried you in my arms and I was on cloud nine. I remember the time I put you to sleep, Had to stay awake whole night telling you the same stories over n over again. Finally you were asleep all wrapped in my arms. I remember the time I had come to see you. I saw you lying on the hospital bed but I showed no emotions I wasn't ready to believe it was you there. I remember our last time together Sitting and talking well into the evening. You wanted to give me a ride on your bicycle. You were almost 11 when you left us. You can never come back I know...but as usual I'm not ready to believe you arent here. It's been a year, but it looks like it was just yesterday that you came and planted a kiss on my cheeks. Just like an innocent child I wish you are back!

I have come across of many "types" of people. Some are timid, some aggressive, some weird and some insane and jealous. Today I wish to emphasize on the last type mentioned. I pity these people. REALLY.... I do. They portray hell lots of sweetness and innocence on the front, but reality is altogether a different picture. They never highlight their own flaws. They're just eager to pick on any little imperfection they see in others and then dig deeper n deeper into it. Shucks... they are simply impossible and I as an imperfect human, dont really feel angry at them, but as I said, I pity them. One advice to all - Stop searching for flaws in others. Look deeper into yourself. Picking on others is one of the biggest flaw that you have. No one is flawless. It may hamper your relationship one day and then probably you'll be left with no one to bank upon. Life is meant to be enjoyed. It's easy to sit at a place and destroy relationships... happens in a blink of an ...

Avi's post on Childhood days, took me to my past where life was filled with the radiance of innocence. I look back and all I see is a girl unaware of the world and its crazy twists flowing at her own pace. So I asked mum, if she remembers me doing any kind of silly things as a kid... and here is the list: 1) When I was something one, I used to nibble at shoes! (pukes). And thanks to this, people were'nt allowed to enter home with shoes. Even the shoe rack was placed outside till I eventually discovered 'shoes' are yuck to be nibbled at. :P 2) My neighbor and I used to throw eggs from his balcony onto the ground! Another person had quoted why dunt we throw it into their hands... atleast they wud have a nice breakfast! :P 3) I hit a guy friend with a brick all beacuse he was getting ready to hit me with a bigger brick and that scared me! I still see that scar on his forehead. ;) 4) I used to lock up everyone in rooms. Bathroom, bedroom, storeroom, kitchen... God damn ever...

Things around you define your stability in life. If you are sad, it shows no matter what facade you wear. If you are happy, then its bliss all around. And right now... I have super-bliss hovering over me, atleast thats what I believe. Touchwood! :D I guess a few here know what its all about! :P At times, we think too low of ourselves when things dont take a turn as per our wish. We gradually underestimate ourselves. When things go bad, just hang on. Your time is on the verge of a new beginning. 'Hanging on' and 'Letting go' - these two can change you life completely - either for good or for bad. When you feel it's time to let go off a few things, let them go, just let them go. If its meant to be yours, it'll come back, but for now its time to let go. I did the same, and when it was back, I felt blessed :) Sometimes you have to 'wait'. This 'wait' could for a certain period- short, long, very long. But never forever. Times during this 'wait...

One of the best things I learned in the past few months is how to rankle people :P 1)  Show no emotional temperament when the person you are talking to wants to express something. Remember... act like you have no Ears! 2) Always have a different view! Always!... even if you agree to the views of the other person.. change your opinions instantly! 3) Make sure the other person agrees to what you say. Bang their head or yell from the chat window... they should agree to you! 4) If you like Amrita Rao and the other person knows it.... disagree immediately! Say you like Kareena! :D *pukes* 5) If someone advises you something... say it on their face that you don't need any advice from them. :P 6) If you know something they don't like... torture them with that! \m/ 7) I know everything, you know nothing! <-- awesome attitude 8)  Laugh like a pest -->  hiiiihhhuuuhaaahiiiiihaaahuuuu 9) Write everything in CAPS. :D 10) Always be Indecisive and Skeptical......

Life is funny and ofcourse a helluva experience. Some incidents in life happen not to make you acidulous, but to amend you and in the end you discover your strengths & weakness. You have no anguish against anyone, and you smile since you now know "who" really cares... You broach to your newly discovered dimensions and I've realized... that I seriously have this aversion for people who are not sure about anything in life and who are always befuddled. You aren't safe (yes, I mean it) with them cuz their fluctuating thoughts may land you in a soup one day. So my sincere advice to all... please be sure of your decisions to have a rocking life else you are bound to lose out on things that matter to you the most.. if it really does! To others who feel they have such people around them, please for God sake, run for life. Being blurt in decision-making hasn't helped anyone as of yet, except in destroying lives. I believe they have this tendency to spread negativity...

Aah! this post for all the guys out there who would need a little help... or say a board with a sign "beware". You may kill, spill, ditch, sleep all day, watch cricket 365 days a year, never take a bath, spike your hair, use the loo for reading, wear pink t-shirts, convert your room into a trash or do just about anything thats not human... but never ever LIE to a woman for you are bound to be caught. What's worse? She wouldn't even be present to tell you how she caught you. "HOW" is a very sacred word. It's a natural gift we are born with. wait a minute.. am not a feminist okay. Just helping GOD spread the word. Read further.. I found this piece while surfing... A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a ...

I'm Tagged and I've to list down Seven Weird Facts about myself. Whats worse than this? Tags make me think lot... *scratches head* and the credit goes to Anu - the one who tagged me! See, I'm not weird at all (chuck what what friends say.. they always blabber) I am absolutely normal... very very normal. Yes, at times my "normal" compass doesn't point exactly to the north... but that doesn't I'm not normal.. you understand what I'm trying to say right? Anyway read on.. 1) I have kept all my school/college books till date.. all books - yes that includes kindergarten too and...have been collecting bus tickets too. (Nope.. I dunt dream of being a conductor..It gives me immense happiness) 2) I love horror movies. I hate romantic-comedy. 3) I love romantic-comedy. I hate horror movies. 4) I hate shopping ... but I can go out and buy u a chocolate. yes I'm a Chocolate-Nerd! (whatever) 5) I love wearing Mismatched colors. 6) I think I have karmic con...

Today I believe strongly that GOD cares for me. Infact, I wish each of us would realize that HE always cared for us. When locks are manufactured, they also manufacture keys. HE too creates problems in our life with the solutions. I was always looking outside myself for strength. Like my previous post, 'pretending' to be strong to actually be one. But lately I realized, its something that comes from within and not from outside. And unless you dunt have a funny side to things, you can't really be strong. Laugh, crack jokes, sound stupid....life is beautiful. If all you see is darkness, remember, it won't last long. It's HIM creating a stronger you for a pleasant tomorrow. 'Attachment' is a sacred word. I know people who follow this 'I-am-unattached' attitude and portray a 'dont-care' facade. Well, I was one of them. Just a few days back, I realized, Attachment is beautiful. You really don't have to be physically connected with the other pe...

I'm currently reading 'Like the Flowing River' by Paulo Coelho. In one of the chapters, Meeting in the Dentsu Gallery, I came across this amazing poem by Mitsuo Aida(1924-91), a poet and calligrapher. Because it has lived its life intensely the parched grass still attracts the gaze of passers-by. The flowers merely flowers, and they do this as well as they can. The white lilly, blooming unseen in the valley, does not need to explain itself to anyone. It lives merely for beauty. Men, however, cannot accept that 'merely'. If tomatoes wanted to be melons, they would look completely ridiculous. I am always amazed that so many people are concerned with wanting to be what they are not; what's the point of making yourself look ridiculous? You don't always have to pretend to be strong, there's no need to prove all the time that everything is going well, you shouldn't be concerned about what other people are thinking. cry if you need to, it's good to cry ...

I hug mum with a "good bye" and hurry down the stairs. I was getting late for college. As I cover up a couple of steps, I hear a cat's mewl. Worried that it would pounce on me (though I'm an avid animal-lover, I'm skeptical about letting them get too close. ), I hesitate to step further. My eyes look around for that little thing, but it is no-where to be seen except that I could hear the soft mewls. I gather courage and proceed further. The mewls turn into yowls. Okay, I could sense that things were not that normal. Out of the blue, I see a little paw sticking out of the opening in the wall.... THE WALL!!!??? That "wall" is the wall on the third floor. That "wall" is open from the other side, that is this "opening" is the only thing that can save its life which unluckily is big enough only for that paw! One step to the north and that would the last step of its life. I gather courage to go near it all the while mum yelling that it wou...

Posts after posts.. my blogging frequency has suddenly increased.. guess there are many things happening at my end lately. I missed my college farewell. Wasn't too eager to celebrate anything after the loss of my cousin. I thought I just missed farewell, but I seem to have missed out on a lot of things as well. I never thought I would make a difference in a person's life so much that I would want to be with them again. During my journey in engineering, I met a couple of good people. I had fun with them, shared my moments with them. Somewhere in between we parted. I was hurt initially, but then as they say time heals, it did heal, but the very sight of them, reminded me of the most wonderful times I've spent with them. I'm bad at expressing myself when people pour out their emotions right before me. Maybe that's why I write. Anyway, so you see that is again a reason I wanted to miss farewell. Yesterday, out of the blue, the friend who I had met in my initial years of...

Out of nowhere.... just out of nowhere... I'm actually, really, sincerely feeling happy since a past few days. Dunno whether its the 'got-used-to-things' or 'the-real-thing' ... but I'm feeling good anyway. Now this isnt something I should be sharing .. lol.. but I believe happiness should be shared, no matter if the source to happiness is unknown.. :P I was unable to decide a title for this post... so I let it be. :P (June 30 2009; 12:32 am I finally gave a title to the post!) Ok...now for the actual post.... A few days back, a friend suggested that 'writing' is better than 'blogging'. He feels maintaining a diary is always better than blogging. One can actually 'Talk' to his/her diary... but not with a blog. Somehow I felt he was thoda right... but then not puking out to the world what I'm going through may actually bog me down. Then again... blogging every thought and ever swear (lol) .. its not feasible when you know its going on ...

My recent posts have been skeptical about things that matter to me the most. Events taking place these days have been too much for me to handle. Hence I let them out here. Anyway, I recently decided that I should let things handle themselves. You know at times you come across a scenario in life when things go haywire. You don't understand what you are actually suppose to do and you end up taking the most stupid decision ever. You get distracted by the chaos in your mind which in reality is a silence. You wish to break-free from barriers that stop you from achieving something only to realize you are floating in the air with no land beneath.  The feeling is painkilling... ofcourse not physically but it feels as if you're stabbing yourself and then convincing yourself that this is the RIGHT thing to do. You keep mum, amazed at the silence that greets you and mocks at you. You sit like a dummy HOPING for things to fall in the right track. But things keep changing tracks...finally ...

" Close relationships are making you very edgy. You mean to stay loyal but you get moments of insecurity which make you suddenly switch your affections off. Neptune is passing through the deepest, most confidential area of your chart and this brings up strange feelings, a need for something that lies beyond everyday reality. " My horoscope for this week... felt kinda weird cuz its true! I always wonder how can stars predict something about us. Infact, not the stars, but its the human mind which decodes the mystery of stars that amazes me. Neither do they know what am going through, nor do they know what I've been through. Is it something like we just relate our day's events to them or is it something that is really meant to be? I've no clue.. I've heard somewhere that every moment of our life, every other task, every other thought is predefined. Every action we take was meant to be taken. Every thought we think was meant to be thought. I'm writing my thoug...

A Crow preyed on the only egg layed by the pigeon in my empty flower pot! It stealthily took it away... all  took place in the blink of an eyelid. I was damn angry at the crow. Felt like strangling it. I was mad at the pigeon for laying an egg in a flower pot !! Later I realized I like crows, independent of the fact that they target the weaker ones. I like pigeons too-no one so innocent and sweet.. and oh so unclean, like them ;) Just because someone you love does things against your wishes or is unlike you, doesnt mean you stop loving them :) There.... another chapter learnt. Just remembered a quote I'd read somewhere .. At first, when we truly love someone, our greatest fear is that the loved one will stop loving us. What we should fear and dread instead is that we won't stop loving them, even after they are dead and gone.

I'm in no mood to wear a facade. I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not. I do not wish to be the lifeless glass doll, all decked up. I do not wish to be the laughing clown, who laughs away his tears. I do not wish to be size 'zero', and end up with a 'zero' heart. I do not wish to have all the riches, riches which can buy no love.. no life. I do not wish to wait for a prince charming who will come on a white horse, why? isn't walking a better option? I do not wish for a lavish life. How am I going to enjoy when millions across the globe suffer? I do not wish to be the excuse for missing every opportunity. I would rather knock at the door that has the toughest of tests to clear. I do not wish to change my opinions... why should I give up to others' wants and desires? I wish to be the CHANGE this world needs. I wish to bring SMILES to faces all frowned. I promise myself to return myself back to me. I'm what I am. I was born to be ME.. not someb...

Yes, I know, I'm blogging after a very very long time, but then I never had a valid reason to blog earlier :D Now that one of my friends surprised me with his talent, I felt the urge to put it on my blog. Its an awesome poem guys, read on... She was a dream... a beautiful dream that I can never forget, She left a feeling... an ecstacy, that I can never forget. Faded are the words... the images, but her memory always hinders leaving a mysterious smile that I can never hide. Harder I try to forget her, more she engropes me... enchants me. Each time I think of her, I wish she was back, wish I could relive the moment... wish I could giggle in my dreams. She was a mirage.. a relieving mirage, that I can never ever have. She was an illusion.. a mystery, that I can never understand.. never resolve. Though I knew her reality... thinking about her, was something I could never stop, Faster I ran.. closer she came, keeping a distance... that I could never reach. ...

I've spent the most memorable moments here... I've laughed out loud when writing about my weird dramatic dreams.  I've cried when writing about the most fateful incident of my life. I've giggled when writing about my college days.  I've felt stupid when writing about my first day in college. I've felt enlightened when writing about my thoughts on life. I've felt mysterious when questioning myself on fate and destiny. I've felt patriotic when writing about our country- the national anthem, the national song and the tri color national flag. I've felt proud... I've felt the grief, the sorrow and the frustration when writing about the brave soliders/policemen who fought against terrorists during the 26/11 attacks in Mumbai. I've felt the sorrow, the helpless-ness, the desperateness when I wrote about my cousin  and my friend who are now with our heavenly father. I've felt inspired when writing about great strugglers- their life and the con...

At times when the whole world is going the normal way, a few words from a dear one, upheavals the atmosphere. It gives a new meaning to the word, 'life'. The heart sinks, mind goes blank and something within us keeps searching for 'something' ... 'something' which is struggling to be let out. 'Something' in the form of words.  You suddenly discover a whole new meaning to the word 'Attachment'.  You're confused. You're baffled. You're scared. You're nowhere.

The reason for my last post, Sometimes Sometime I need to crawl into my shell when my stress hormones have been let out in excess. And then you'll find me in a state which would be something like this... My sleep goes for a toss and I feel like plunging into knowing the wonders of life, how past-present-future occurs and why do living beings turn into dust after death, what happens when we die and why are we born, what is a soul and does it really exist? I feel the urge to know what lies beyond this blue cover over us- the thing that turns black at night when away from the sun- the thing we call 'sky', what exists within the sun, are there something called as 'aliens', what makes us think, what makes us love, who arises this feeling of loneliness in us, why do we cry when we are hurt, what makes me write, what makes me move my fingers on the keypad the way I want to, is red actually red in color or is it the dhoka of eyes, what makes people trust and what makes pe...

..... I just need to hide from the world.

I have heard people saying, 'Forget your Past... Your Future is More Important.' I say, HOW? How can something that is not yet seen be more important than what is happening. How can it be more important than my Present? In fact My Past, My Present and My Future.. All are Mine. All define me and not just my Present. I'm what I am, because of my Past. I will be what I'm suppose to be because of my Present which will be my Past in Future. If I forget that, I'll lose everything- My Present and My Future. My past - good or bad, its Mine. Nothing can take it away from me. Nothing can make me forget it. (except for Aamir's Gajini-Short term memory loss ;)) I can do just two things.. 1. For Good memories : Cherish them 2. For Bad memories : Learn from it and move ahead. I believe, GOD, a supernatural power does exist. People say, "Nature Existed" Ok Agreed. But who made it happen? GOD. What made it happen? GOD. What made GOD happen? Nature. Back to Square One,...