Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Retro

She has been through a long way. She started off on a green island - Thorns were her Flowers, Murky Water her Savior and Poisonous fruits were her food. Sunlight was her Shade and the Sky, her Blanket. Stones were her slippers and Gossips protected her from Sunburn. Every antibody that destroyed her immune system gave her the Oxygen to breathe.The Hatred she received from every Soul on her way was the Love that kept her alive.

On her way, she encountered different types of Souls - Souls that made fun of her for she looked hideous. Souls that took pity on her for she ate the poisonous berries fallen on the sidewalks. Some silently admired her for she traveled on her own, nevertheless they passed snide remarks.Some, just gossiped for they needed to feed their ego. Some loved her for who she was and hence choose to spend some time with her, and when the time came to bid good bye; some did, some did not - they just disappeared into thin air leaving her stoned to the ground - the road with pebbles on a hot afternoon that burned her feet, but she could do nothing - those were her slippers. So, she stood still, waiting for the Moon to rise. Her soulmate! The Moon finally set its light on her.
And from far away, a soul saw a diamond, so bright, so hard, so astonishing and so magnificent still trying to find her path through the rocky road.

Thursday, October 05, 2017

Lost a Part of my Soul

LOST COOKIE forever! 

it was foolish of me to go insane after a person for who i mean nothing. it was my mistake i did not take  cookie mango to heliconia. I was too worried about a person who broke up with me because he feels nothing for me. It was my fault that i thought i should meet him instead of making sure cookie mango are safe! now 2 souls suffer - mango and myself. its suffocating knowing cookie is no more. She loved me so much i could see that in her eyes. everytime after a shower she would rub herself against me. its never going to happen any more. who will eat the vegemite. fuck this world and the people for who i would move the world. its really difficult to accept that cookie is no more. my child, my baby... whereever you are, stay safe gondi... you dont have to worry anymore.   just forgive me if you can. one day we will meet... until then stay safe gondi. i made a mistake and you and mango had to pay. 

it must have been a terrible night for you, isnt it gondi? all alone with no one by your side...specially your mom not being there. the one whos arms would have kept you safe come what may. i am sorry i wasnt there when you needed me.



Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Fixed!!??

I walked on queen's street all alone, feeling confident and like a winner i posted my pictures on instagram and facebook. I wanted to show how awesome i am and love to travel all alone. Though i did enjoy those moments, within me was a meek voice that kept waking me up in the nights, kept whispering while i walked down the streets of robertson on way to sunnybank plaza. The meek voice belonged to this soul that was so stubbornly strong and so hard like a rock. That soul had accepted something. That something was a dark past and a dark reality. The soul had grown tired of searching for light. Infact, the soul loved darkness now. It had accepted darkness and embraced it. It left darkness engluf it. It shyed from the light now whereas once it basked in the glory of the light. It replled darkness once and now it repelled light. The soul had changed.
While the soul changed, it let everyone into its shadows. And while doing so, the soul met with an accident. An accident which it thought was just like any other accidents it had come across - 'Blood oozing, bandages tied, medications done and then back to reality'. Somehow this time the wound is still open. The light is forcing itself through the holes and peircing into the soul. This time soul does what its best at - being stubborn to not let the darkness leave it. But the light stays. The soul still thinks darkness will win in the end.. maybe it will. But hw soul wants to try its best. And its confused - leave the darkness.. the cold blooded new found den which is peaceful or submerge into light which has always brought joy and happiness even with all its challenges and heartbreaks.








Sunday, May 21, 2017

BROKE UP to be FIXED!

May 19 - mum's bday! She turns a year younger with all her childish behavior which i hate but slso louv at the same time!! 

And then an exciting thing happens - my heart broke - this time it made no noise. Its yet to realize what has happened. Its in the ignore phase where its doing everything to not think about it. It made me reconnect with so many people! It made me drink tequilla and shut my mind.

Now i sit here wondering why did i not behave mad? Why did i not call him and yell at him? Why did i not aak him what happened? Because till now i have no clue what happened... and should i think about it? My heart wants to... but my mind knows its useless. There will be loads of time wasted just trying to understand what exacy happened! 

Except this time - I thought I lost a piece of my soul. He did not even ask what I wanted. He simply declared that he wanted to separate. It was all my mistake. I always fought for people. I was so sure that he would fight everyone for me. I thougt he would be there. I was very sure - he would accept me for being me, for all my weirdness... for the way I love, for the confused 'me' that I am.

The thing inside doesnt realize what has happened. Something has been crushed. Something inside hurts. Something inside has turned numb.

Should I connect with him without any expectations or just continue ignoring him? I think its time to become a little mature. Knowing my limits is what i have to learn and implement. He cannot use me anymore. No more! No one! I let people trample upon me and they did! Thats not me.... i cannot me nice to people who USE me!

Its time to Buck Up! Its a BREAK UP - yes it is! and its TIME to WAKE UP!! 😎😎😎 its time to draw a line to something that is against what is not RIGHT! 

Give me the strength GOD! :)