Thoughts of the Worm

This is exactly how i feel today! No.. since yesterday night. Caught in a  maze. Confused.. on one side i see my values staring right into my eyes and piercing through my soul. On another side, i see open mindedness.. well eh not really open mindedness.. but the urge to do what people do - what friends do together - how to socialize - how to start anew! Having being brought up in a very conservative family, i was never exposed to socializing. Had no best friends because parents believed one will end up spending a lot and also the character is messed up drama. I dont blame them entirely because they only to protect me... but the outcome of that was a 'confused me' all my socializing skills were trampled upon and i could never mould them to turn into a better person. That gave birth to two minds - the i-rock-around-people mind and the i-want-to-be-with-myself mind. And my mind swings led to my mood swings. I blame no one, but i want to request all the parents out there  - dont d...

Its been years! Kirtan was born today in 1997. He left us in 2006. Life goes on... but memories remain. My tom cat reminds me of him. Do you remember... when you brought him home, though you yelled at him once, he always wanted to be with you. He had slept on your tummy and you made all the efforts to make sure he doesnt wake up. He loved being with you and you with him. Something changed after all this. You stopped getting close to kids - fearing they will boost attachment and then mom will come into picture and try to win them over. And it will be mom and them. You would be lying in a corner wondering why did mom do this to you - why does she not support you. This is followed by mood swings and the feeling of hatred for mum. Ugh - life goes now... time stops for no one. I will lose them all one day - and i will miss them. When i go away - no one will! :)

Okay. I am sorry - i stopped writing few years ago. No! Infact i tried getting a new blog.. starting fresh and stuff. But it barely did help. My last post was on 2013. Ghosh! I have vague memories of what happened after that. *paused for a while* umm i just took myself down the memory lane. I broke up with the man i loved the most. Nope it wasnt a break up. It was me trying to show him that i did not give a shit if he leaves me. And also that I can easily fall in love AGAIN. That was my ego talking because what happens after that changes my life forever. I was determined to fall in love and get married. Came across this wonderul guy who promises me the best of all the world. And there i was feeling proud of myself that somebody loves me. Meanwhile.. did i let out that i adopted two kitties?? The most wonderful thing to happen to me!! Anyway, i'll talk about them later. So here i am determined to marry this guy who is not of the same national as i am - basically a NRI.  He got headl...