Thoughts of the Worm

Trusting was always difficult for me. Being vulnerable has never been an option for me because people take advantage when you are vulnerable. And today, I come across this - We need to trust to be vulnerable. We need to be vulnerable in order to build trust. What if I don't want to be vulnerable? does that mean I will never be able to trust or build trust? here is another exercise - people whos opinion really matter to me:  nick baba, big daddy, hell's warth, gotya, jhula, door bhala... that's it. what did I learn from the process of thinking about who belongs in the list? - these are the people who when provide me an opinion I sometimes simply let their opinions engulf me.. like letting them influence me. these turn into motivation factors for me. do i always steam-roll over these important people in my life to gain the acceptance and approval? - NO do i sometimes steam-roll over them if they provide any inputs? - Yes. So, now on i can be conscious when taking advice. list...

Things that might get in my way of practicing and learning new ways of showing up. For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, I give myself the permission to - 1. Fail and be okay if I miss a day. 2. to be consistent and submit the assignment by Tuesday eod always. 3. do one exercise per week from the dare to lead workbook. 4. be intentional and really learn rather than mug up, because I know I learn the best with practical unlike school and college where mugging up destroyed everything! 5. ask help and assistance from trustable people around 6. tell my parents of the classes 7. put my video on during the classes :) For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, these things I need to show up and do the work - 1. nothing at all - just get my ass up. For the leadership program and this dare to lead exercise, these things will get in the way of you showing up and doing the work - 1. nothing - everything can wait For the leadership program and thi...

I don't like birthday presents or any such presents - giving or taking. presents creep me out. I literally run away from birthdays or occasions where presents are given. I think it all stems from few of things from my past that are itched on my soul. 1) that night, few hours before my mom's birthday, she was sleeping on the floor bed in the living room. I woke her up with all the excitement and I gave her a hair clip. She just nodded, said "what's this? a clip? okay." and just went back to sleep. 2) friend's birthday - I painted a flower vase for her with love. Few days later, I heard her mom saying "painted flower vase is not a gift to be given for a birthday, isn't it?" my friend however told me that she kept that vase in her bedroom on her bedside table. 3) dad's office friend with his family had come over. they had a daughter, maybe same as my age. I liked her and out of love, I went to the fridge, opened it and gave her a kitkat. Once th...

I guess its time for a break. break not for taking some rest, but to let the world know that I need to grow. A break to prove that whatever I am destined to do, I have achieved it. A break to bring a breakthrough. Whatever Naradmuni did, Gyaani-baba is aware that I am pissed off. But the problem is he is self-centered. Not once anyone has asked me how can they help me except the Cadbury gem himself and the hell's warth himself. Hell's warth is the most heavenly person i have met. We converse so well and are aligned so well. That's the effort he is taking, not me - i can sense it. but what the hell... I have things to achieve and do for the folks globally and that's my objective. i will successful only if I am able to write the research paper, complete the ops excellence assignment and complete the program partially successfully. and what troubles me when I am about to sleep is... what next. what after all this is over? I definitely need a family - someone who can take m...

basically i connected my TV to my laptop today. wanted to do something different.. something new. like the way i am... cant stay with the same regime everyday. i guess that's the way my personality has been built. 1) not comfortable with everyday changes. inspect when its getting monotonous and gauge my level, then trigger the change based on my need. 2) maybe i always react to situations that don't show integrity - the case with Billu baba, something always makes me uncomfortable. Am I just like him? Do I advise instead of coaching? Do I manipulate instead of coaching? How do I balance between directing vs coaching vs advising? Should I wear different HATS to think and then take actions? So here is how i start with a purpose of learning a new skill - COACHING Situation:  Naradmuni  comes to me with all situations, dumps on me who said what and directly starts advising based on his assumptions and self- introspection .  Naradmuni   does not spend time to listen ...

The fact is - I have morons around me and if I continue to work with them, I will soon turn into one. Not that everyone is perfect. But its not crime to wish to be working with a group that is incredible and makes you wish to be like them. I always wanted to be working with strong folks upward so that I can be strong and protect my folks. I still want to work with strong folks.... just not sure where to find them. The folks I thought cared for me, are nowhere out there. Folks i thought cared for me in a professional front proved me wrong. Not once they reached out or dropped a note to know about my whereabouts or health or safety.  I am now stuck with folks who are insane, display some of the worst qualities of a leader, always highlight their drawbacks and enacting that weakness are a fad to have. AR doesn't even know how to talk to his reports, show 0% coaching skills and rely on being high gossip mongers... simply mediators and messing up communication instead of letting us...

Somethings have gone “left” instead of “right”. Some items when i looked within myself - BE CALM with everyone! DONT POINT OUT TO ANYONE SPECIFIC!  people can always betray! Remember this! Not everything has to be Shared! Focus only on building skills, receiving feedback - INSPECT & ADAPT 1. i have to spend less time interacting/reacting to the kids and more time with my people and superiors! 2. LISTEN with no intruption till end. Rephrase. Give less instruction and let people be! ask them, “do you want my ideas/suggestions?” 3. I should not be the “sentence grabber” 4. FOCUS on the conversation. You are NOT in a competition, unless I really am in one! When they come with problem- 1) listen full 2) ask where they need help 3) think for a while 4) suggest When SA becomes stubborn- 1) Ask where is the problem 2) Ask what she exactly wants to achieve 3) Ask if it is very urgent and what will happen if not done right away. 4) Ask if she can do it right away. 5) If yes, ask her to d...