Thoughts of the Worm

Came across a meme on facebook that said - "Physcology says people born in February, March, July, October get very angry" What about the others? are they not humans? if I snatch an ice-cream from a girl born in June, can I expect her to give me kisses and hugs? If I hit a person born in January, will the person marry me? well, jokes apart - I do get angry quickly, especially if things don't go my way. And I think.... that is impacting my potential to take decisions and manage people around me. But you know what is the other thing I have with me? Humor! I have been gifted with humor which unfortunately has been hidden away in the closet above which sits our ghost from Conjuring. No one dares to open it too. The only thing that can overcome anger is humor - seeing the lighter side of life. And now that I have done the puking part here (my most fav part), I am at ease. This blog is my drug and I love it that way. Truth Time: my ego is just like my butt - big. So I sent...

Now - this is the second post of the day. Just seconds after my first post of the day. I want to start saying the truth to myself and to others. Truth no 1 - I was married in 2010 and got separated in 2012 (either in April or in July) This by far has been the hardest truth for me to accept. Why have I been running from this? Society. Though I like to fight against the society norms, this phase just kicked me hard in my ass. I dont give a damn about people calling me liar if I choose to not talk or highlight about this. Is it wrong? I dont know - Not talking about this keeps me neutral in a crowd. I wish to start fresh... erase this phase and have people who understand - but that is just not happening. AS used to bring out this topic even though he knew it hurt me. Just a dog who likes to control every relation. Truth no 2 - I love people, being with them gives me energy.... but, I love my space too. My home time where there is no interference. This makes me think many a times - w...

Its that phase again - Fall in Love, Break your soul, Break your mind and finally sit and mourn. Its over again - and this time for real. But I promised something - If you really want something, the entire world comes together and conspires to help you to achieve it. I want him - I want us to be together - But who am I lying to? I know we both are different - our habits, our thoughts, our people, our company - everything is different, but still I say I love him. Why? What for? What am I afraid of? Being alone? or Seeing him with someone else? or both? He asked and I couldnt answer. I lied that I am afraid of losing him. I wasnt really - I am not. What I am afraid of is not having someone to cuddle with. I am afraid of being alone in this world - just sometime.. umm maybe 50% of the time.. nope - more than that. Physical needs or Emotional needs, companionship, love, belonging ness - I go through every single human emotion and need. Lies, Jealously, Selfishness, Manipulating people arou...

She has been through a long way. She started off on a green island - Thorns were her Flowers, Murky Water her Savior and Poisonous fruits were her food. Sunlight was her Shade and the Sky, her Blanket. Stones were her slippers and Gossips protected her from Sunburn. Every antibody that destroyed her immune system gave her the Oxygen to breathe.The Hatred she received from every Soul on her way was the Love that kept her alive. On her way, she encountered different types of Souls - Souls that made fun of her for she looked hideous. Souls that took pity on her for she ate the poisonous berries fallen on the sidewalks. Some silently admired her for she traveled on her own, nevertheless they passed snide remarks.Some, just gossiped for they needed to feed their ego. Some loved her for who she was and hence choose to spend some time with her, and when the time came to bid good bye; some did, some did not - they just disappeared into thin air leaving her stoned to the ground - the road wi...

LOST COOKIE forever!  it was foolish of me to go insane after a person for who i mean nothing. it was my mistake i did not take  cookie mango to heliconia. I was too worried about a person who broke up with me because he feels nothing for me. It was my fault that i thought i should meet him instead of making sure cookie mango are safe! now 2 souls suffer - mango and myself. its suffocating knowing cookie is no more. She loved me so much i could see that in her eyes. everytime after a shower she would rub herself against me. its never going to happen any more. who will eat the vegemite. fuck this world and the people for who i would move the world. its really difficult to accept that cookie is no more. my child, my baby... whereever you are, stay safe gondi... you dont have to worry anymore.   just forgive me if you can. one day we will meet... until then stay safe gondi. i made a mistake and you and mango had to pay.  it must have been a terrible night for you, isnt ...

I walked on queen's street all alone, feeling confident and like a winner i posted my pictures on instagram and facebook. I wanted to show how awesome i am and love to travel all alone. Though i did enjoy those moments, within me was a meek voice that kept waking me up in the nights, kept whispering while i walked down the streets of robertson on way to sunnybank plaza. The meek voice belonged to this soul that was so stubbornly strong and so hard like a rock. That soul had accepted something. That something was a dark past and a dark reality. The soul had grown tired of searching for light. Infact, the soul loved darkness now. It had accepted darkness and embraced it. It left darkness engluf it. It shyed from the light now whereas once it basked in the glory of the light. It replled darkness once and now it repelled light. The soul had changed. While the soul changed, it let everyone into its shadows. And while doing so, the soul met with an accident. An accident which it thought ...

May 19 - mum's bday! She turns a year younger with all her childish behavior which i hate but slso louv at the same time!!  And then an exciting thing happens - my heart broke - this time it made no noise. Its yet to realize what has happened. Its in the ignore phase where its doing everything to not think about it. It made me reconnect with so many people! It made me drink tequilla and shut my mind. Now i sit here wondering why did i not behave mad? Why did i not call him and yell at him? Why did i not aak him what happened? Because till now i have no clue what happened... and should i think about it? My heart wants to... but my mind knows its useless. There will be loads of time wasted just trying to understand what exacy happened!  Except this time - I thought I lost a piece of my soul. He did not even ask what I wanted. He simply declared that he wanted to separate. It was all my mistake. I always fought for people.  I was so sure that he would fight everyone for me. ...