Beauty of this Life

Its that phase again - Fall in Love, Break your soul, Break your mind and finally sit and mourn. Its over again - and this time for real. But I promised something - If you really want something, the entire world comes together and conspires to help you to achieve it. I want him - I want us to be together - But who am I lying to? I know we both are different - our habits, our thoughts, our people, our company - everything is different, but still I say I love him. Why? What for? What am I afraid of? Being alone? or Seeing him with someone else? or both? He asked and I couldnt answer. I lied that I am afraid of losing him. I wasnt really - I am not. What I am afraid of is not having someone to cuddle with. I am afraid of being alone in this world - just sometime.. umm maybe 50% of the time.. nope - more than that. Physical needs or Emotional needs, companionship, love, belonging ness - I go through every single human emotion and need. Lies, Jealously, Selfishness, Manipulating people around me - I do everything that a human does. I cry for no reason, I fake my emotions at times... well many times - I dont want to do it - I want to start fresh. But I want to start with him and thats not happening. its driving me crazy - another human emotion. Cant stand working with him. I might .. I will not function well if he is there. what is this emotion? let me google it. Trying to read the neuroscience of seeing an ex. I cant believe we are exes. He said he loved me - i somehow cant trust him - I totally unable to do so. But I still want us to be together - I dont know why.
So basically I am just rambling right now. I have to start to be true to myself and to others. Thats the only thing I learnt - nothing else. Right now, I am too lazy to write anything more. Honestly, too lazy and a cloud of jealously hovering my head.

Now what has the title of this post got to do with anything that I written here? :P