Why?

Sometimes reading a stranger's thoughts puts us to think... think of the times we've been through as the other person did. Wonderin' am I the only one to have gone through that phase in life? or is there a company? We blame destiny. We blame GOD. There comes a day when we blame ourselves. Something like the following...

I break down,
I cry,
I tend to indulge into self-pity.
I spend sleepless nights,
I go on a hunger strike.

I do all sorts of things to cause PAIN to myself -emotionally n physically.
Then days turn into weeks and weeks into months.
Even then I am are under the same trauma.

WHY?

Why do I cause so much pain myself.. so much that I can hardly bear my own existence!
Why do I feel,
Nobody loves me.
... cares for me.
... understands me.

Why do I try to hide my feelings ?
... keep saying, "I love to walk in the rain, because nobody can see me crying"?
... begin to love this quote so much that it is seen scribbled at the last page of my books?
... or as a signature for my mails?
... or posted on my blog?
... or curse myself for having hurt someone I loved?

WHY?

Why do these feelings... these extremely innocent yet mature emotions rise in me?
Why do I regret for not having done something which I should have done?.. yet stay away from it?
Why do I spend most of the time in the company of loneliness?
Why do I feel so lost?... so very Left out?
Why do I stop myself from pouring out my thoughts to someone?
Why does the fear of being rejected engulf me?
Why do I not let my heart take control over my thoughts?
Why do I not let my tears flow when they want to?
Why do I swallow my sorrow?... my heart aches?
Why do I let others dominate my heart?... my soul?
Why do I hesitate to tell somebody that they form an important part of my life?
Why do I not let the other person get a glimpse of my watery eyes which holds the love and affection I have for them?

WHY?

Nobody has ever found the answers to these questions....and Nobody Can.
I call it 'Feelings', but what are they?
Why can't I see it and only feel it?
Where are they?
How do they arise?
These questions force me to think...
But...

WHY ?