Thoughts of the Worm

There was a time when all that existed was Love. Every action, every thought was in sync. Every breath, every step was destined to be together. Now all that exists is Hate. Risen from the ashes of the subsided love and care for each other, a thin smoke of hatred now would haunt us forever. How can people who once immensely loved each other, now dreadfully hate each other. The answer emits from the every own core of a precious body entity - mind or heart or soul. We trust and love someone so dearly at one point that we somewhere turn selfish. We do not wish to share that person with anyone. Somewhere down the line, when an argument arises on this, and either of the people involved in this fail to pacify or calm down the other, a little bit of trust and love turn into hurt. If this keeps taking place over and over and over again... all the residing love for the other person turns into hurt. And then things start falling apart. There comes a time when you realize that its impossible ...

I've come across selfish people in my life and thanks to them I have learnt the most important lesson. Never Trust People Easily. Take as many years you want to - But, never Trust easily... Looking back, I've realized that these people have only thought about themselves. They make use of people who can satisfy their needs and once they are done, all they do is hover over another flower. :) I'm grateful to GOD to have opened my eyes and led me away safely from such negativity, which would have made me lose my trust over my people.

One more Word - One more Look - More than enough to fall again. Not again. The heart is too fragile. The only way out is to Stay Away. :) Falling again is inviting hurt to hurt you again with double the force this time. Knowing that none of us is going to change - rather we will not change, it is difficult to survive together. It will be followed by fights, cold war and unpleasant exchange of emotions which will draw me into a well - so deep that will be it will take me forever to make my way out. Nothing to share today. Silence is very beautiful these days. Being alone is sometimes heaven. You know something is going to hurt - Never dive into it. I'm never going for it again. Never! Dad once told me - 'You have come alone and will go away alone. You are alone and will always be'. He meant in a way to enlighten me. haa! And I'm enlightened forever... :)

There was a time when two people couldn't live without each other.  Today, they cannot live with each other - Absolute strangers. They ignore each other on their paths. Scary but true. How do you trust someone who says they are going to stay forever when all they did was leave you alone to fight the world. How do you trust that even if you put in all to make the person stay, that person will stay. How much to ignore the rest of the clan's needs just to hold back someone who is your whole world. You feel you've turned out to be strong and know how to stay away from the wrong people.   Conclusion - a part of you lost forever A part of you wants to get back to everything - embrace them, accept them, forgive the situation. The other part however knows there is hurt, misunderstanding, no heed to the pain and need to feel loved... and no getting back. Something within knows that things could be started again from the scratch, but nobody does it right? Nobody want...

You have to change at times.. and sometimes its for the better. Love your People. Only they will be with you until the end. Love them, thank them, be with them and never leave them. Never be "Done" with these people. They are YOUR people. Fight, crib, argue, complain... do everything but Leave. New people in life are good - no doubt, but these people you've been growing with since ages, are a part of you. Being "Done" with them is like throwing away a part of you, being irresponsible and then also being proud about it - this is one selfish attitude. Sometimes these lessons are tough to learn. And when Life is the teacher - mention not. :P  I learnt it the hard way - but I'm glad I learnt it. I thank those people because of who I had to go through those tough trials, judge myself, blame myself, blame God, try to stay strong when I wasn't, not pay heed to the feelings of the people worth staying in my life for one person who I was never worth - but ...

Addicted to "Manja" - a very peaceful yet unrelenting song. Loved it to the core. Every line gives out a strong sense of all the sacrifices that comes with a strong relation. Don't have much to write today - I want to set everything right - just the way it was before... before it all started. I'm glad, for being strong is not everyone's cup of tea... but it turned out to be mine. Sacrifice comes in all forms and I took a long time to digest this one, but it did happen. I'm at peace - but the mind still hurts. I'm free - but the soul is still caged. I'm happy - but the eyes tell me a different story.

Trust your gut. When you believe in somethin ....  anythin - just go for it. that "something" isnt important, "believing" is! ehem... so when you "believe", make sure you "achieve" it. Blind belief doesnt never serves the purpose. Keep it simple. "Want" something - "Get" it. "Don't want" something - "Leave" it. For heaven's sake, please.. please stop the emotional icing over it. Yes - I know it gets heavy at times and you want to drown into a well full of tears and self-pity and god-knows-what-crap... but finally it's what you actually want that you get. To many this might even sound like some pathetic pigeon-head doing a self-pacification melodrama at the peak of her crises - which by the way without any surprise is true. :) Few years down the line if by god's grace I'm alive, hale and hearty with the motivation to keep this blog filled with ramblings ... am going to have a good...