Thoughts of the Worm

It's the 13th. At 6:00 in the evening I visit him. Tired and in pain, he lays on the bed. Even a little movement causes him a striking pain. This time the target being his inner thighs. He says, ‘ It feels like someone’s hitting me with a hammer ’. I touch him- his feet. I press them gently so that he feels no pain. He shy's off and says, " It's ok, let it be ", but I'm recluent. A thought strikes my mind at that very moment, " Maybe this would be the last time " My thoughts win the Race. Period.

This feeling is so weird. I was happy until morning when a realization gripped me, that one day, I too will fade away into fine dust. Yes, sudden and weird... I'm scared of death. I can't imagine staying away from the people I love, even for a second, and death will take away everything from me. I keep wondering....how would it feel while breathing my last moment? how would it feel when my soul would leave my body? how? Will it pain? Whats next after that? Will I ever remember Myself? Will I ever be able to meet the loved ones I lost in the past? I try to pacify myself saying, we came into life all alone and we shall leave all alone too. ..shucks.. but it doesn't seem to work at all. I feel as if I'm leaving myself, abandoning myself. I feel as if someone is controlling me and my life.. watching my every single move. My parents.. what would I do without them? My friends... what if something happens to them? I used to believe in not being attached to anybody in this worl...