Thoughts of the Worm

Nothing to write... but a lot to express. Sometimes you think over it.. again and again - couple of times a day, but in the end, all you realize is it was never worth it. You gave in many times, dis-regard the assumptions, ignore those millions of advice and suggestions - after all you had fallen into it, right? .. correction - You THOUGHT you fell into it. Sometimes such people leave you in all alone to fight the world and they unexpectedly they return. When that happens you think you'd be the happiest person alive - but surprisingly, you are not! That's when you realize though there are pieces of it within you, but it is not worth all the Love you'd to offer, all the care and trust you were willing to give and receive. Life teaches an important lesson - "your people" will never leave you, at least never in times of pain. You may try to forgive - Forgive you can, Forget you cannot. :)

Always wanted to go on a long ride to a place unknown - and that day was today - the first of my life. Early morning bicycle ride to Chintamani temple in Theur, a place located near Pune is now itched in my memory as my first ever bicycle trek. I total enjoyed the journey.. lush green meadows, dogging our way through the herd of cattle, struggling upward on the highway and then letting go of everything while going downward, kids waving us as we pass by, stopping by the stream to admire it and click our snaps, locking our bicycles together thrice at the temple fearing theft ;) , encountering a rough road and then walking through it, bumping into my friend when I couldn't control the speed going downhill (wasn't that scary though :P), enjoying poha and potato vadas with chai at a halt, making way through the traffic on reaching city and finally reaching home with a smile on face. Interesting Fact : The name Theur originates from the Sanskrit word Sthavar meanin...

Go.. go wherever you wish to. Away, away from the world where I live. Far, far away, where I'll be unable to catch a glimpse of your shadow. There's no movement within me - all Still, which is what I fear. The ocean is usually still before a storm. A storm that washes away everything. But there is nothing within to be washed away - its empty. And it is by choice that I want to be left this way - Empty from Within. I don't have anything to give There's just nothing inside At some point in my life Everything just went and died I'm empty, I'm hollow, unoccupied I'm just a walking ghost I rattle and shake as I walk As a human I'm just broke I have no heart.. its gone missing Along with my soul My thoughts and feelings have run away And left me with a black hole   There's nothing to give.. There's nothing to take I'm on the edge about to crack I'm never going to find where I am Empty and never coming back... ~ Extracts from Kate Emma ...

There was a time when all that existed was Love. Every action, every thought was in sync. Every breath, every step was destined to be together. Now all that exists is Hate. Risen from the ashes of the subsided love and care for each other, a thin smoke of hatred now would haunt us forever. How can people who once immensely loved each other, now dreadfully hate each other. The answer emits from the every own core of a precious body entity - mind or heart or soul. We trust and love someone so dearly at one point that we somewhere turn selfish. We do not wish to share that person with anyone. Somewhere down the line, when an argument arises on this, and either of the people involved in this fail to pacify or calm down the other, a little bit of trust and love turn into hurt. If this keeps taking place over and over and over again... all the residing love for the other person turns into hurt. And then things start falling apart. There comes a time when you realize that its impossible ...

I've come across selfish people in my life and thanks to them I have learnt the most important lesson. Never Trust People Easily. Take as many years you want to - But, never Trust easily... Looking back, I've realized that these people have only thought about themselves. They make use of people who can satisfy their needs and once they are done, all they do is hover over another flower. :) I'm grateful to GOD to have opened my eyes and led me away safely from such negativity, which would have made me lose my trust over my people.

One more Word - One more Look - More than enough to fall again. Not again. The heart is too fragile. The only way out is to Stay Away. :) Falling again is inviting hurt to hurt you again with double the force this time. Knowing that none of us is going to change - rather we will not change, it is difficult to survive together. It will be followed by fights, cold war and unpleasant exchange of emotions which will draw me into a well - so deep that will be it will take me forever to make my way out. Nothing to share today. Silence is very beautiful these days. Being alone is sometimes heaven. You know something is going to hurt - Never dive into it. I'm never going for it again. Never! Dad once told me - 'You have come alone and will go away alone. You are alone and will always be'. He meant in a way to enlighten me. haa! And I'm enlightened forever... :)

There was a time when two people couldn't live without each other.  Today, they cannot live with each other - Absolute strangers. They ignore each other on their paths. Scary but true. How do you trust someone who says they are going to stay forever when all they did was leave you alone to fight the world. How do you trust that even if you put in all to make the person stay, that person will stay. How much to ignore the rest of the clan's needs just to hold back someone who is your whole world. You feel you've turned out to be strong and know how to stay away from the wrong people.   Conclusion - a part of you lost forever A part of you wants to get back to everything - embrace them, accept them, forgive the situation. The other part however knows there is hurt, misunderstanding, no heed to the pain and need to feel loved... and no getting back. Something within knows that things could be started again from the scratch, but nobody does it right? Nobody want...